my heart is being made new

right now i cant really explain how i feel right now.. other than God is completely changing my heart yet again… tears are falling from my eye and i cant help the knot i feel in my throat and my stomach.. so lately i have been just been radicaly changed my eyes have shed tears for so many different reasons and for this time its not because of what i am going through but the tears of those who have it far worse then myself.. my cheeks burn and my heart is just being ripped apart for what breaks God’s.  over the course of the past few weeks i have come across somethings that truly speak what i feel and i would like to share them with those that read my blogs… God is doing something amazing and we are all about to see it for our own eyes.

When you let all else go and just “be” with God, when you simply worship Him because He is, He… will give you His joy and His rest. ~ Stormie Omartian

here is a song that speaks volumes: by andrew peterson

After the last tear falls
After the last secret’s told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that’s just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last “this marriage is over”
After the last young girl’s innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won’t let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

Here is a poem written by Bertolt Brecht that has changed my life:

when evil-doing comes like falling rain

Like one who brings an important letter to the counter after office hours: the counter is already closed.

Like one who seeks to warn the city of an impending flood, but speaks another language. They do not understand him.

Like a beggar who knocks for the fifth time at the door where he has four times been given something: the fifth time he is hungry.

Like one whose blood flows from a wound and who awaits the doctor: his blood goes on flowing.

So do we come forward and report that evil has been done us.

The first time it was reported that our friends were being butchered there was a cry of horror. Then a hundred were butchered. But when a thousand were butchered and there was no end to the butchery, a blanket of silence spread.

When evil-doing comes like falling rain, nobody calls out ’stop!’

When crimes begin to pile up they become invisible. When sufferings become unendurable the cries are no longer heard. The cries, too, fall like rain in summer.

i know both of these works speak for themselves very well.. but tonight my God my true God spoke to me and woke me up.. rattled me inside and out.. and i desire to do something about it… I am turning 21 tomorrow.. what does that mean? i does mean that im legal and i can go get drunk anytime i wish to now.. but i wont.. nor do i have the desire to do so… but it does mean something.. it means my LIFE IS 1/4 OVER!! i means that im not guaranteed that i will live those other 3/4 of my life… so what have i done thus for to say for myself… i have been thinking greatly and i have come to conclusions and others have shared their input.. for which im very grateful for… but something is different now.. i am an adult and i have a life ahead of me that is filled with greatness for the GLORY of God.. and I Carissa im very excited and over joyed and also very overwhelmed by the calling that has been placed on my life… i cant nor will i do it on my own.. for tomorrow is the beginning of a grand amount of steps that it will take to SHINE FOR THE GLORY OF GOD AND HIS KINGDOM!

may you be blessed and my all of your days be blessed b/c u are indeed the son and daughter of a most high God

I have experienced a lot in the past almost 21 yrs of my life…. my faith in God has been tested so much lately.. more than i hope to admit…. But wow i cant express how for the first time in a month i have come to a peace i have never ever felt about my life.

In the past i have continually just demanded more of things.. from attention, to relationships, to material things, and the list goes on and on.  I have lost a lot in the past 3 months.. but have gained far more than i could ever imagine!! everything i had gained has been in God.  he has restored me from this painful period in my life.  I am discovering what it means to complete give myself up and not allowing anything left of me.  To be sold out completely to Him… and it has brought like i said earlier this since of peace that passes all understanding!! i can take this deep breathe and truly understand what it feels like to exhale and allow God to take every breath i breathe…

in Jeremiah 33:1-3, 6-9.. it talks about Judah and the fight with the Babylonians. This passage has spoken to me greatly because it talks about turmoil and strife and then also accounts for the peace that filled the place afterwards because of God.  He says that he will rebuild the two cities as they were, and will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me… and in verse it says then this city will bring ME REKNOWN JOY, PRAISE, AND HONOR BEFORE ALL THE NATIONS ON EARTH and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace i provide for it… i dont know how else to explain it other then the obvious before your own eyes.

God is moving and MY HEART IS BEING MADE NEW! and im sooo excited!!! my heart fills with joy and peace as i think about my future, i just cant contain myself!

so for the rest of the semester this is what im up to!

-giving my time to IGNITE

-LOVING my adopted sister Marrissa!!

-growing in and with K.R.A.C.K

-playing soccer for my third college season

-trying out for a position of RA here @ SWU

-establishing friendships to last me a life time

-growing in knowledge about my major!

-and trusting God with my romantic life

-volunteering with relay for life and reach 4 life and rondald mcdonald house

God only you could work a miracle in my life… and its now up to me to take that and run with it and thats my ultimate goal!