my heart is being made new

Today October 21st 2008 people all over the nation took  stand and became silent for a day.  I decided to participate.  coming into this event with somewhat of an open heart.. not really expecting much of anything other than supporting a cause…. but boy was my world shattered!!!

today was also chapel.. and we had division chapel which is when even major division seperates into their own groups during that chapel time and discuse whatever they wish… well today we had a time of worship..

Because of this day of silence for the first time in an extremely long time i could not sing… and it by far has been the most challenging part of my day… not being able to speak to my friends or answer questions in class has not been difficult to say the least.. but not being able to lift my voice to my heavenly Father broke my heart…

I stood there reading the words and listening to everyone else around me sing… but i couldn’t.. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks… there are christians FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST who cant do that either… they can’t lift their voice outwardly to their heavenly Father.  They must be silent.  Sure they can sing it in their heads or find other ways to worship God… but from personal experience i gain great joy from being able to sing songs of praise.  It truly put things into purspective for me.. woke me up.. raddled my boots.. broke my heart.

This is the God we serve in full action.. giving you the opportunity to grow in ways only YOU can…

May the 4,000 individuals who do not have a voice have a voice today…because of our vow of silence to lift you up in prayer!

falling in love is a scary thing… when you offer your whole heart to someone… holding nothing back and giving all of yourself to someone… if you think about it hard enough its something you honestly dont want to take any part in.. or at least i dont.

so i decided to look up love on dictionary.com… and many of the definitions that came up were about sexual love for someone or a deep compassion for someone or something.. but then this was in there…

the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God… it blew me away..

benevolent means : intended for benefits rather than profit.

so i as sit here listening to music and spending time with God…. i begin to see that in all honesty how can you not fall in love with your Heavenly Father?…

the benevolent affection of God for His creatures… God created us to just to be loved… with no strings attached….He does it with expecting nothing in return.. its so amazing… so many relationships here on earth are filled with strings attached.. so many rules with not enough clarity….

God is the purest love out there.. but yet the hardest to wrap your mind around…imagine that… God wants us to truly understand this is word love.. and by far is the hardest thing i have come across to comprehend….

so my prayer for the rest of this month that i truly begin to understand this word love and the meaning of it.

LOVE… 4 letters… multiple meanings… many participants… ONE creator….

well this past weekend was the beginning of my fall break here @ swu, and i got to go home for a grand total of four days! i will say that it was a much needed break and i seeing my family was the best thing i could have done for myself.. so this break could have not come at a better time.

but i have been doing a lot of thinking over the past weekend.. and a lot of talking things over with my parents.  and i want to take some time to thank them for all that they have done for me.. its something i can hardly put to words but i am going to try.

Well first of all i have three amazing parents My mom, my dad, and my Glen.

Each have poured into my life so much… but truly have been there for me over the past 8 months.  Where i have been through a lot.  They have shared so much insight to me and so much encouragement… i cant thank you guys enough!

You have taught me to keep pushing, keep pursuing, keep breathing, keep my chin up high toward God, and never back down.

You have given me much needed hugs, seen too many tears, and listened with an abundance amount of patience.

You have come to my soccer games just to see me sit the bench, watched me walk in Homecoming Court, gotten to know my girl friends, and driven me home so many times i have lost count.

I try to hold back tears when writing this… because so many children, teenagers, and young adults, and even adults’ don’t have such luck when it comes to having parents that truly care about you and pray for you every day.

Who watch you fall flat on your face.. let you pick yourself up… and watch you keep going.. because they know you will grow from this.

I thank you for supporting me in my calling in life.. and going to a small school when i know its not the cheapest choice i could have made but you undestand this is where God wants me and you do everything in your power to make sure i am happy.

I am positive you will be greatly rewarded in Heaven for your success in raising me.  You might sit there and say, but i wasnt perfect.. i say your imperfection made me perfect in those areas.

I love you three dearly and thank you once again for a job well done! I cant wait to show the world what a child you have raised!

Love,

Carissa Renee McNab