my heart is being made new

have you ever just sat and wondered why the people in your life are there…. why they come and go or come and stay.. why they build you up. and then sometimes just honestly let you down… well the past few months i have been doing a lot of wondering.. about life in general.. i have been confused.. broken… disappointed.. shocked… loved… hurt…

my emotions indeed are running wild i try to find balance with how i should feel.. or how i truly do feel. asking honest questions to my creator, because i just cant understand.  when you heart wants something so bad, but yet its just not what needs to take place at this moment in time.. but why.. this year has been quite a tough one on so many levels

this world is such a hard place sometimes.. and being an emotional person as i am i have in return have experienced some extreme lows and have pressed into God, but i am still very tender and hurt… and im ready to be healed… im ready..

Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.

Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken

Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need

Awaken

How long? How long? How long?

Over the past few months all i have seen and heard is LOVE.. from sermons… songs… themes… movements.. etc.

Just today i attended a service and the sermon was on Love or Duty?… Leeland just put out a new cd called Love is on the Move… Hillsong put together a cd called faith, hope, and love.. Jason Gray came out with a song More Like Falling in Love… Acquire the Fire’s theme this year is Love is the Great Reversal.. which is not the first time this theme has been presented..Needtobreathe came out with a song called Let Us Love…. not only have Christians expressed the importance of love but also secular venues and artists…

but all i can do is just sit here…. and feel as though the answer is being screamed at the top of its lunges!!! LOVE IS HERE!!! open your eyes and ears and hear what the Lord has to say… God is LOVE… why have we lost the site of this?.. why do i myself look for love outside of God’s love?

Real faith is expresses itself through love… so my heart has yet been changed again..

its time.. to step up and empower ourself with the the most amazing gift God has to offer to His children!

We’re living to fast
Caught up in satisfaction
We’re missing so much
Don’t even know we’re disconected

But Where is the love that makes us stronger
Binds the hearts of every color
In the end we are all God’s children
We gotta Learn To Love

Need action for resolution
We need a revolution
Need to come close to each other
one love of sisters and brother

But Where is the love that makes us stronger
Binds the hearts of every color
In the end we are all God’s children
We gotta Learn To

Pray for each other
stand in together
we’ll see his kingdom come
shinning like the sun
Something is stirring
A new day is calling
Jesus Is the king
We lift our voice and sing

But Where is the love that makes us stronger
Binds the hearts of every color
In the end we are all God’s children
We gotta Learn To Love

In the end we are all God’s children
We gotta Learn To Love

We gotta Learn to Love

its a pretty chill thursday in the life of a junior in college… no classes…. but yet my mind is racing over things within my heart. Since the beginning of this blog i titled it “my heart is being made new”… because i wanted to posted things on this blog that challenged and changed my heart.. but where your heart leads.. the rest will follow.. for it is the well spring of life.

Not too long ago i had the chance of becoming a resident assistant at the college in which i attend. Stepping into this new chapter of my life was a bit scary at first, because being unaware of what to expect and what was expected of you was a little overwhelming.

Now into my 2nd week… God has taught me so so so much about the concept of an open door.

In Matthew 7:7-8,  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

As an RA we strive to always be available to those around us, not only to our close friends but in my case the wonderful ladies on my hall. God spoke to me in this area of my life and through the ladies on my hall Matthew 7:7-8 hit home pretty hard, and this passage became pretty personal.

Last week one of the girls came to my door and needed a helping hand. She had to knock in order for me to know she was there, and because of that first knock a relationship had been created.  A few days passed and my door was propped open at this time. She return and stepped through and we had a short conversation and she once again left and continued on with her day. But she now knows im only a knock away from being there for her.

But not only does this apply to the ladies on my hall but it applies to every single human here on this earth.  there is a “door” that must be knocked upon to inter into a relationship with God, and the word promises that once the door is knocked upon there WILL be an answer. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. It is up to us to take that first step, to be brave enough to walk up to the door and begin an amazing relationship with Him.  and once that door is open it will remain open!! there will no longer be a knock that separates you from Him. You can just walk right in and carry on a conversation with the Lord God Almighty.  It remain forever and always open.. and because of this my heart is being made new. For i know now the amazing feeling God experiences every time we take the chance and knock…

wow ok so summer is over for the most part.. one week.. which will involve getting things every thing ready to head out.

2 months have past and for the first time in years i didnt venture into another country or another way of life.. but instead stayed in my beloved city… I had high hopes and plans for this summer.. filled with volunteering, working, and spending some much needed quality time with friends and family.. but to be honest as much with the world.. nothing goes quite according to plan.

I did volunteer.. not as much as i would have hoped.. worked again not as much as i would have hoped.. but i did spend some much needed quality time with friends and family… This summer i made some friends that i know i will have for a life time.. impacted lives through my church that i will cherish forever… and God opened my eyes wide to things i never thought could be possible. 

I expressed truths to people that i never thought i would have the courage to do… i befriended people i NEVER thought i would cross paths.. shared my Christian belief.. and prayed for those who were struggling that were so near and dear to me.. I saw great success.. and also great failure… I took long walks, got sun burnt, and ran enough to shorten my breathe… made memories with my beloved dog…

Saw my sister grow up get and job and drive… missed having close near by… read 2 books.. dream a little..and watched the sunset almost every night. Ate enough pizza to get me though the next six months! Established A LOT of inside jokes… went to the movies.

I become stronger inside and out… and pushed myself harder physically then i ever have before… and now its my junior year and a lot of excitement fills my spirit.. but also pretty nervous to see how things will play out…. God has a lot in store this year i have a feeling… I couldnt be more ready for the this week to come and go.. and come december a greater adventure awaits me..

So to say the least my summer lived up to all the rest despite me just resting in the fact i was supposed to remain here in the US..

So cheers to you summer of 2009~! it was a great one!

well today is father’s day.. 1 of 365 that we celebrate each year… and what makes this day any different than any other? Well 1 huge factor is not our earthly father but our Heavenly father…

just this past week i had the wonderful opportunity to talk to someone about what i believe and why i believe it as truth.. at the time it was a struggle to come up with the “right” words to say… b/c deep down i knew what i spoke of was the truth.. but like anything in life we all have questions about the things we believe in and follow… and for the past few days i have been thinking hard about this God i serve.  Why do i believe this God.. why do i believe the Word of God?… why do bad things happen to myself and to other “good” people in this world?

If this God in which i adore.. take my uncle, my dog, and my best friend friend from me?….  I have no earthly idea why such an amazing God of miracles allow such things to happen.. but that’s just it.. i have no earthly idea… my mind cant grasp the thought or the concept of such a greater power… 

today while driving home i allowed my mind to be completely silent.. the radio still was playing.. the windows were down and the wind was blowing all around.. and before me was the sky above me… and for a split second i thought outside of myself.. Carissa you are 21 yrs old.. and u have a whole life before you… my best friend didnt make it 21.. my uncle didnt make it to 22.. and here i am at 21.. and it hit me hard… really hard.. that there is something more.. then just the air i breathe and the ground in which i walk upon… With everything in me i believe their is a God.. because i know that when i lost 3 of the most valuable things in my life.. God was still there.. the peace within my soul was still present.. the world around me kept going and couldnt relate to my pain my lost.. but my heavenly father could… he gave his only son for me.. he stepped in and watched his son die on a cross just so see me be me..

like i told this person in which i spoke to.. i cant sit here and tell you i have all the answers to all the questions you have.. but i know that it takes some kind of faith to believe in anything.. and i have put all the faith i have into this belief there is a higher power.. that he created the heavens and the earth… and he created me.. and that deep down i know right from wrong.. and if this is wrong.. wow i have been fooled for the past 16 yrs of my life.. and that is some serious blindness…

sure days are tough and i want to fall to my knees and pray that God take all the doubt and pain away…. but what if he did what if in a split second he changed his mind and allowed nothing but good things to happen….

thats right u know what would happen.. we wouldnt need him any more.. he would just be our creator and we would be his created.. but the Lord wanted.. yes wanted more than just a created being.. he wanted a relationship.. with each of us..

so if God does exist and the bible is the truth… and we take this jump of faith and truly go out on a limb.. what do we have to loose? really?

what he promises for his children is nothing but greatness.. why not allow him to be your Abba… your daddy… your father on this father’s day..

take that leap of faith like i did 16 yrs ago.. ill promise you one thing… after its all said and done you will be different regardless of the end result.. and if we die and dont continue our life after earth.. at least you lived your life every day to Glorify an amazing creator… your daddy.

God Bless

so its been a while since i have posted anything cause i really havent had anything to say.. but today @ church the message hit pretty hard and i figured everyone who reads my blogs from time to time or all the random readers could get something out of it as well.

well today my church had a guest speaker Francis Chan  from a Cornerstone Church in Cali.  the message was about the strength and power of God. He was just talking about all of the different passages in the Bible in regards to it. He was talking about how much there is present gap between the creator and the created.. because the created have a hard time grasping this huge world in which we live.  we cant imagine would it would be like to have the power to create something… and im not talking about food or a work of art.. but of something that lives breathes and continues to live and make a difference.. i know its hard idea to grasp for non-believers… but its something that is beyond measure..

But God has the power to create and destroy anything at any given movement.  Every breathe i take is a gift from Him… wow.. its just something to think about that if God wanted to he could take my last breath and that be it.. but he hasn’t.  and when the time comes to spread the gospel the good news we tend to have the problem in doing so because we are too scared to do.. but why.. God is for us, who could be against us.  We have all the information at our fingertips but we can’t carry on a convo with another person about our belief… it makes noo sense but yet all of us our guilty of it including myself.. but recently have the chance to have to have a few conversations.. and they have gone extremely well.. whenever someone is told to swear upon something what do they swear upon?… God.. well in that case who does God swear upon?.. Himself. In Isaiah 45

²² “Turn to me and be saved,
all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, and there is no other.

²³ By myself I have sworn,
my mouth has uttered in all integrity
a word that will not be revoked:
Before me every knee will bow;
by me every tongue will swear.

²⁴ They will say of me, ‘In the LORD alone
are righteousness and strength.’ “
All who have raged against him
will come to him and be put to shame.

He swears to himself that one day that every knee will bow and tongue confess he is Lord… and if we are swearing upon his perfect word… that these words will become truth… and for that reason we should be confident within our abilities.

you may wonder what the video has anything to do with it.. but i think it has everything to do with it… if today was your last day what would u do differently.. if this God we serve has the power to create the world in 7 days and is the God of the universe.. than what can we do each day to serve a God who took the time to know every hair on our head and every step you would take tomorrow and the next day and for the years to come.

so readers its time to test the strength and power of our God…. and live each day like its going to be our last!!

few.. finally time to write something for fun.. and not something that is due to SWU!.. u have no idea how much i had to write the past 2 weeks.. it has been a tad overwhelming but that is ok! i am on the home stretch and no longer have any papers to write!!!

well anyway time for the actual point of the post…

well the whole point of this blog site is about how my heart is being made new.. and the things i wish to share to the public. Well the title is something i have been thinking a lot about.. to the point of exhaustion… its now 3 days before i head home for the summer and i finally am taking the time to write this blog…

bumper sticker faith was brought to my attention about a 2 months ago (i think).. but it went a little something like this.  the other day i was riding in my car and came upon a car with a bumper sticker on it. and the bumper sticker said to this affect that Christians don’t support abortions… but life. which is a could cause to support.. but like the speaker proceeded to explain.. out of all of the things that could be put on a bumper sticker and then put on your car.. you choose that one?

if you had the chance to have 1 sticker to talk about your faith.. what would you put on it?.. if it could speak volumes to those around you.. what would choose?

the second part of the title of this blog is keys that open doors.. as we go through life.. doors open and close all the time.. some on their own while others must be opened by ourselves.  with this school year coming to close so many doors haven been closed.. while other doors have been opened.. but with these doors i feel like i was handed a set of keys and have the chance and opportunity to open the doors of my choice.. it takes a lot of faith to open doors and close the ones you have passed through.. some doors which were closed have been reopened.. and other doors which were open have been closed.

next sememster at school is going to be good.. but a lot of change is headed my way. i am praying that the summer prepares me for the amount in which will take place.  will write more when i get home for the summer but until jut a little something.

well i should be writing a paper for ministry to children.. but i really cant get in the mood and decided just to write a little and maybe the writing in general will spark my interest to buckle down and do it!… we will see i suppose.

Well i was in survey of denominations on friday and something that my professor said really spoke to me…

he gave us this example for a topic of conversation for The Holy Movement..

So you are at this football game and the marching band comes out on the field and begins to do their routine… and all of sudden the whole band goes right and one person goes left… automatically you assume that one person is in the wrong… they made the mistake and messed the whole thing up.. but what if u change the point of view… what if that one person was right… and the rest of the group forgot and were in the wrong..

i dont know really how to explain it.. but that image is burned into my mind… just that in a case like that that one person gets the brunt of it all… but how do u really know if they arent the person who got it right?

What would have happened if that was the case.. what would our reaction be? How would the “crowd” respond?

Another challenging question would be could u have the courage to be that one person? Or would you buckle under the pressure and follow the group that was wrong… just to make it seem all of you were in the right…

well i will leave it at that. who knows if this blog will make me in a better mood to write.. but if nothing else i hope it leaves you in a pondering state about the questions proposed above.

well its about time i stop and thank all of my friends for all that they done for me.. so here goes nothing.. each one at a time

Brandy- for the inside jokes, for clowning around, for lunch dates, for laughter, and for a listening ear

Sarah- for being the best little sister and best friend ever!

Kat- thanks for being my closest long distant friend.. and for the “hard” friend who pushes me every time i talk to you

kayla- for being an amazing twin and friend.. and the one of the best roomies EVER!

(in memory of) Stefanie- for being the most amazing longest girlfriend i ever had

Daniel- for being the best boyfriend and friend i could ever ask for… and for caring as much as you do:)

Samuel- for giving me a second chance

Justin- 12, 7, 2… enough said

Austin- for giving me names like ball cleaner and hooker… lol

Wes-for helping me understand

Liz S.- for everything!… you are an amazing friend

Krystal- for your moments in the lobby and at memories at waffle house

Chloe- thanks for you sincere joy and being Daniel’s bestfriend

Rachel- for being my lover and someone who i know who will understand where im coming from

Kristen-for letting me sleep on your floor, your bed.. lol.. oh and for being the compassionate one in my life

Ashley- for always saying hey to me and loving me for who i am and always smiling

katie- for being my roomie for the past 2 years and putting up with the way i live… u will always have a special place in my heart

andrew-thanks for being an amazing boyfriend to my dear kristen

zach-thanks for being such an amazing boyfriend to my lover

travis-thanks for being such an amazing boyfriend to ashley

bo-for always being my friend no matter how busy we are and how far we end up during the school year

liz p-thanks for being my acct. partner and holding my accountable… it means the world to me!

emily- thanks for always having me see the better side of things.. and always glowing every time i see you. you are such a blessing

adam-for always calling to check up on your lil sis

angelo- for seeking me out when no one else will

kyle- for always keeping intouch no matter what!!.. and seeing how im doing

Brady- for the encourgement

mark- for everything. no seriously

my soccer team- for accepting me just and having my back on and off the soccer field!

cuddy- WORD!!

heather- for loving me always.. and being my running partner!

brittany- for ur encourgment

Lauryl- lol… for trying to be awkward

jolley-for being a gamecock fan

byrd- Laner

Jeremiah-for talking things out with me.. and supporting me always

amy-for always lifting me up

lance- still waiting on that song… lol

jeneva- for high school memories and being there when things got tough

kevin e- for being my first friend here at swu. and still my friend today

kevin c- for honestly the gifts and your generious heart

kindel smith- for loving me

logan- thanks for the memories from freshman year!

nick-thanks for the great laughs at meal times

travis- for your overall friendship and having a gf named Karissa

phillip- for being the big brother i never had

tommy- no pickles. enough said thanks for the fun times

jay- thanks for the hugs

tyrome- thanks for the hugs and the high fives they really mean a lot

this might seem kinda cheesy.. but i mean every word.. thank all of you very much for how u all have blessed my life!

well i really have no idea what i want to write but its been almost a month since the last time i wrote a blog.. and i feel like i should try and write something…

well tonight i experience something that put a lot of things into perspective… i discovered the feeling of being lost in the crowd.. i have never really felt this way… but for a span of an hour i felt lost… disengaged…. but i began to think pretty hard about this feeling.. and this is what came to mind..

so whenever someone is looking for a place to belong.. it can be anywhere.. but lets narrow it down to the church or that of Christianity. when someone is looking for a place to belong.. they want to connect on a level that is achievable.. something as personal as possible.. they dont want it to be in their face.. but they do want someone to care…. but when things become crazy and confusing.. they get pushed aside.. they become another face in the crowd.. because every else knows what is going on and where to go from here.. but when your that someone who is searching… u want to follow what feels best.. and that leads you into one direction.. but yet at the same time the group is going in another… its a complicated feeling. but when you discover for yourself what it feels like.. u play the moment back through your head multiple times.. it was different.. trying to figure out how u could  change things… but it wasnt ur job or duty to do so.. it was up to “them” to make the difference.. to reach out to you.. but because of the bliss of life and everything else.. they forget.. they get caught up in the moment..and we honestly leave u behind..

so i want to make a public apology for all of those who at some point in their life have felt “lost in the crowd.” I’m sorry as a congregation of Christians we have not done a better job of protecting you from such a feeling of hurt and disbelief.   so once again i am sorry..and i hope you can forgive us of our mistakes. for we are not perfect… dispite the way we may seem.